Lessons in "Marriage"

mar·riage

ˈmerij/

noun

1. the legally or formally recognized union of adult human partners in a relationship
2. a combination or mixture of two or more elements

Ok ... so there's your working definition of what "marriage is - it's a union, mixture or combination of things - pretty easy concept to grasp.

Now, lets look at the players (as pertains to the United States) in the same sex marriage debate and what their roles and limitations are:

Government (all) - the US government is governed by the constitution which forbids it from participating in or takings sides/positions regarding religion. Provides services and secular leadership to the citizenry it represents.

Religion (all) - spiritual guidance to their parishioners/flocks and provide services in as it pertains to the word of their specific god. Cannot participate directly in government matters - i.e. cannot make binding laws; cannot campaign for or endorse political candidates for government - at least not directly as the entity known as "the church" (supplement synagogue or mosque or whatever religious jargon - for simplicity the word "church will be used throughout to represent all religious organizations) .

So we have two VERY different bodies (church and state) that perform to VERY different services but use the EXACT same word to describe that service:

Marriage

And it applies as defined appropriately very well.

Now - here's where people make the mistake - they cannot separate the two very different services provided but these very different groups in their minds because both services are usually COMBINED and executed at the same general time.

But they ARE separate actions!

Make no mistake - a "marriage" as a religious act is NOT legally binding withing the government context. Conversely, a "marriage" in the civil/government context is NOT sanctioned or binding in the eyes of god or the church.

Just TRY to go to your local church and have the pastor marry you in the eyes of god and not file the applications/paperwork for the government version of "marriage". See if you can exercise the legal rights that are granted by the government's"marriage" (spoiler: you won't be able to unless you lie through your teeth).

Now, you "may" be able to have your civil/government "marriage" recognized by a church that you chose to join after the actual government (or other church/denomination) marriage was executed but I suspect more often than not, a civilly married couple MUST have their union sanctioned by the church they choose to attend even if they have been married for decades - as an example I will quote from americancatholic.org

Catholics who exchange marriage vows in the presence of only ministers from other religious traditions or authorized civic officials are not considered validly married in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

(emphasis added - so much for "we all worship the same god" - if that were so, a sanction from one church would be recognized by all churches :P )

So to summarize what we've learned:

Marriage has TWO separate forms and functions:

Civil Marriage - legal and binding in the eyes of the government and generally accepted norm of society

Religious Marriage - spiritual and binding in the eyes god and church 

Why is this important?

Because anyone who wants the legal protections and benefits of the legal institution known as "marriage" MUST have a civil union (marriage) applied for, accepted, approved and performed and filed with the government. But (and this is an important distinction) a civil government sanctioned and recognized as legal marriage is NOT - repeat NOT REQUIRED - or even expected to have any religious sanction or approval!

Now - the REAL crux of the issue facing American society today - same sex marriage.

Dun ... Dun ... DAAAAAAAAAH

(Cue the outraged homophobes)

"Awww HELL no!!! - can't let no QUEERS be all married and shit - it'd be the ruination of the 'mur'can way of life!!! That shit is just unnatural in the eyes of the one true almighty GAWD!!! My BuyBull TELLS me so!!! Ain't a gonna let no ..."

(cut away from outraged homophobes)

As distasteful as it is - religions have the RIGHT to define and execute and sanction RELIGIOUS marriage anyway their scriptures dictate they must.

HOWEVER (and THIS is MOST important):

The Government is NOT in the "religion" business, nor can it adopt any one religion or religious rites and or rituals. The government can and should now and always execute unbiased marriages that are "legally or formally recognized unions" to any and all persons who qualify as competent and who apply to execute this legal instrument known and defined as CIVIL (government) marriage.

I know that the two DIFFERENT forms of marriage are very often performed and executed at the same time but it's high time we put on our big boy/girl pants and recognize that one word can mean TWO different things:

No one questions that "crane" conjures two VERY different images

And so it is with "marriage" - Religious and civil - same "marriage" word - two DIFFERENT meanings. So, to those that identify as "anti-same sex marriage", I accept and grant you your right to believe and act accordingly as it pertains to RELIGIOUS marriage. You won't get ANY argument from me, in fact I will ally with you to protect your rights to your religious freedom. BUT - that right ENDS when it comes to CIVIL marriage performed and executed for and by the government - which MUST be for ALL the people.

For the record - I am neither gay nor religious (no viable evidence for supernatural beings - without this evidence, religions fail) but I am fair and empathetic so I believe all people should have the same rights and opportunities and it is no one's business or right to dictate love/commitment between consenting competent adult humans.